Before they were stars they were in 90s commercials
People Magazine’s review on ‘The Great Gatsby’
READ A BOOK
HE’LL TAKE HIS OSCAR NOW
Dear guy who just made my burrito:
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layers lengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM TO ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans cannot usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and not a multi-stage rocket to the planet Fucking Disgustingupiter.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer this nonsense. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER.
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
I like this because I work in a burrito joint. xD
So I was reading up on Avengers trivia and apparently RDJ kept food hidden all over this set and they couldn’t find where it was so they just kinda let him continue doing it. So that’s his actual food he’s offering and whenever he’s eating in a scene, it’s not scripted. He was just hungry.
RDJ is a squirrel
I will never NOT reblog this
For at least the third time this month, a young child has shot and killed someone. On Tuesday afternoon, a five-year-old boy fatally shot his two-year-old sister in Cumberland County, Kentucky with .22 rifle the five-year-old was given as a gift.
“It’s a Crickett,” Cumberland County Coroner Gary White told the Lexington Herald-Leader. “It’s a little rifle for a kid.”
The rifle, which was usually stored in one of the home’s corners, was inadvertently left loaded, according to White. The boy’s mother was home at the time of the shooting.
“The little boy’s used to shooting the little gun,” White said, before saying the shooting will be ruled accidental. “Just one of those crazy accidents.”
Just one of those crazy accidents. You know, the completely unpredictable kind of accident that occurs when you give a five-year-old a rifle and leave it lying around the house, unattended.
If this sounds familiar, it’s because, sadly, it is. Earlier this month, a four-year-old shot and killed a deputy’s wife with a handgun. The next day a two-year-old reportedly shot his mother in the stomach with a 9mm Glock. Two days later, another four-year-old shot a six-year-old in the head, killing him.
Uh, guns are not good gifts. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t even allowed play guns at age 5. From now on, let’s just give kids soccer balls. Everyone loves soccer balls, especially those small mini ones.